Monday, May 9, 2005...6:27 am
exploited, highly overrated, misused and misunderstood
i have a friend whom i’ve been keeping company these past weeks. she fell in-love. jumped in like crazy. things didn’t work. she’s back to square one. and i’m right there here with her. i met her this year..she’s older..but doesn’t seem wiser. not when it comes to love or what we think love is anyway.
most of the time i don’t understand the way it feels, because honestly, i was convinced that i really loved somebody three times in my entire life. three times. what is my guarantee that the next time is the real thing, when i was utterly convinced that he’s the one three times already?
on falling in-love. everything in my head got all smushed when the realization hit me. i went ballistic everytime..and i suffered through the horrid letting go phase afterwards. what was most surprising was that, i was crazy enough to try it again! amazing? or frustrating?
i still can’t make up my mind.
many times in my life i have attempted to define it..draw it..but it’s just something way bigger than me..and the rest of the world put together. i have seen it effect changes i never thought possible. i have seen it bring people to ruin. i have seen it in a million photos, a million words, but not one was able to define it. overly exploited, and mostly misused..a confused society has come up with a billion false representations, it has turned into the hunt for the needle in the haystack. it always wins the race..comes in first..with all of us trailing far behind it..chasing after it with all we’ve got.
why is it so evasive? why does it run so? how come it slips through our fingers like water? or is it just so hard to find because we’ve been looking in all the wrong places for it?
sometimes, i wonder if we spent all our lives looking for something we’re not sure how to describe, will we really be able to find it? or do we sit on the porch when we’re old, drinking coffee and still be uncertain as to whether we really found it or if we just convinced ourselves that it was the one?
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