it just won’t stop

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i can’t make it stop. i got my period yesterday and it came as an awful reminder. I find it so hard to talk about any topic near the whole thing that it seems impossible to talk to anyone at this point. i cried myself to sleep last night but when I woke up it was still there. I wish I could make it go away. All this blood reminds me of how empty my belly is. of how my belly should be bigger now..and how fat i’d probably be if she was still here. people say they know what it’s like but i always feel that they never do and probably never will. it’s just so hard. and if i could talk to God i’d tell him off for being so mean to me.

you know how they say when it rains, it pours? it’s raining cats and dogs out here! and yet no words can say how sad and empty i am. i was ready to trade in a life of diving, an now this.

if i had a hard drive of a head i would reformat. really, anything, i just want to feel better about something, anything. sedate me, sedate me now.

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Filed under Blighted Ovum, Crying, Depressed, Depression, Emotional Roller Coasters, Loneliness, Miscarriage, Post Miscarriage Crap, Pregnancy Complications, Sadness