my latest distraction(S)

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I have a lot of things in my head right now. I simply haven’t been the more fortunate one at the moment. Somebody pulled the plug and my whole world truly is going down the drain.

But my mother keeps sticking her big head into my business, and she is making a huge effort to make her impossible-to-ignore presence known.

She sent me a note today asking for the bank certificates and such for that co-depositor *S*. A favor she asked of me a few years ago. I think she wanted her papers so she can sleep soundly at night knowing that I can’t take her money. AS IF I WOULD STEAL HER MONEY!!!! She angers me to no end. She insults me. I would never do something like that no matter how horrible she treats me or talks to me.

And I was actually thinking about letting her off the hook on the way she attacked me after my d & c. She’s impossible.

In her note she said something about the stuff I’ve written in this blog. And just to clarify, I did not start this blog to write bad stuff about people on purpose. This blog is about all the things I could not say out loud. Thoughts that I am trying to make sense out of. For goodness sake, if you’re reading this again, THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

I am tired of having to explain myself to her who refuses to listen. I am tired of all the crappy things she accuses me of. I am tired of all the lies. I am tired of all the bad things she says about me. It escapes me, how she never gets tired of complaining about me when I am the product of her excellent parenting skills.

My cousin has asked me to make peace with my mother. Our house-help has asked me to make peace with my mother. I am certain that my mother’s entire family thinks that I am the most evil daughter in the world.

To my mother I am probably the spawn of the devil. But I am hoping that my father will silently disagree in his heart of hearts. I am ever so certain that my mother in law will disagree.

God knows I have not been as evil as that picture my mother paints. I have tried to make it work, even when I think she should be the more understanding of the two of us since she is after all the parent. But no. If I could, I would move to another country right this minute just to get away from her.

I am tired. I do not need this crap in my life right now.

I don’t have time for this. I am too busy being sick.

Which brings me to the other distraction.

I am checking in tomorrow. They are taking out my healthy growing cyst on Thursday because it could rupture my important ovary and twist my fallopian tube. God, if you are reading this, please, don’t let my mother come to see me. I do not want to have another bleeding problem because of her. I don’t think I’ll survive another post-hospital bleeding. This is not like that d & c. I don’t want my doctor sewing me back together again. Please. You have not given me some of the things I asked for, but this one is really important. I just want to get better. The doctor said that this operation might trigger another flare-up. I really don’t want that.

I do not know why the fates decided to drop bombs all over my life right now.

But there is no time for self-pity. No time to confront my unreasonable mother. No time to worry about what my mother’s family and friends think of me. No time for diving. No time.

Let’s hope the frozen section guy doesn’t see anything distracting. Let’s hope that the anaesthesiologist isn’t distracted when he inserts that big needle between my bones. Let’s hope the doctor does not get distracted when she hacks away at my body.

These are just the two minor distractions right now. Who would have thought that my mother could be that one other distraction in my life. How sad.

I will not let her do this to me. I refuse to spend more time thinking about her and all the bad things she says. She will not waste my time. She will not ruin my day.

I can do this. I have been through so much already. These things will not ruin me.

Eventually I’m sure I will not feel so bitter anymore. Eventually. I am not as mature as I’d like to be. pooh.

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Filed under Anger, Emotional Roller Coasters, Immaturity, More Complaints!, Mother, Mother and Daughter Relationship, Mothers, Ovarian Cysts