out of crap and off to the deep blue…………..

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I am going to say hi to the big fish this weekend..

I don’t have the words for it.

**************

on other things:

The anniversary day was very very nice. It felt so good to just be able to spend an entire afternoon alone. (I had half day work *grumble*)  It was a bit strange because I had the ‘it’s my birthday today’ feeling. (is this normal??)

But I am always so weird so..and it’s the first anniversary I ever celebrated in my entire life so..(clearly I have not had any long-time relationships before this..)

It was probably the kissing that got me. heh.

Or maybe the kissing got me because I was feeling that birthday feeling..

I just wish my job didn’t tear me away from that lingering mirth. It felt so good. After all the crap we’ve been through I was finally quiet inside. Maybe this was the end of the mourning?

I have not cried because Sabine is gone in a while. I think the way the job keeps me so busy, and me just trying to stay happy when I’m out of the office has made me look at things differently.

I haven’t got all the time in the world for my Mister or my friends, so that when I do have time I just lap it all up and make the happiest out of it.

Is this really me writing? hmmmmmmm..I’ve always been so melancholy and sad. Sometimes I am afraid to be happy because I am worried the god of pain might hear my giggles and tear them away from me.

*********

ah the giggles..

Yesterday we were walking to the bus stop when the Mister said something silly that let the giggles out. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a stranger look at me like I was nuts. I probably was.  I told the Mister that the guy next to him was staring at me silly. The man walked away so fast he was almost running.

I giggled a couple of paces more.

*******

Maybe I really am out of it. Maybe I really am into the deep blue where it’s clear and warm and the fish are talking to me.

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