Saturday, August 18, 2007...12:26 am
Resounding Echoes
I’ve been hearing it all week. Since last week even. When I do the laundry or tidy up. When I think of what to prepare for dinner or lunch. When I write the grocery list. When I check email. The worst was hearing it when I tried to write.
hollow.
I get a list of stuff to do from the Mister for his business but I have not done everything. I could’ve done it all in one day but I have no desire to accomplish anything. Oh I do it. I do a few things here and there, but the satisfaction never comes at the end. So I don’t bother with the entire list even if I do know that it can’t be good for him.
what is this?
Instead I sit or lay on my back and feel hopeless. Like I will never do the things I like as much as I want. I’ve had four jobs and they all made me feel trapped. (where’s the maturity?) For the most part I just feel stuck here when I know I can be brilliant if I can find something to do with my life that will make sense for a long long time.
it pretty much feels like wasting away except I’m not on anything.
2 Comments
Monday, August 20, 2007 at 9:12 pm
I doubt this helps much but I do know how it feels to have a job to do that you don’t really want, and to feel trapped and to feel that you must do the work you have to do before you can move on to fun time…
When it happened to me, I found I never got to fun time but I never did any work either, I just sat feeling miserable and empty.
So I decided that I would do two hour’s of penance a day on my work and that was all. Amazingly, if you decide to do a certain number of hours and then just stop, it can make you feel a lot more in control. It depends what kind of work you have but it works for me!
Chin up!
Cheers
BC
Tuesday, August 21, 2007 at 12:10 am
oh hey, that’s my goal for the week.. devote a bit of time every day to the Mister’s cause. And then eat truffles and read books for the rest of the day.
tomorrow I’m buying a box of truffles on my errand for the Mister.. hopefully that will pick me up from this dung heap called hopelessness.
sometimes I think I have ADHD like my god-sister (a godmother’s daughter?).
*fingers crossed* (that the truffles will work..)
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