Friday, November 9, 2007...11:50 pm
Just a Girl
Annoyed.
Upset.
I want to squash him against the wall.
Honestly, I want to crush my emerging girl brain and trample it into oblivion.
I don’t ask for the impossible. I just like the kissing and hugging and holding hands at the end of the day. Is that too difficult to give? I spent half the day looking for bloody oil pads, it’s the least he can give me.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I get this half-hearted good night kiss - - and ONLY after I asked for it. So I snap. And THEN he tried to cuddle me - which makes it worse. And so my heart rate went up in rage. And I felt that familiar flush of impending doom. It would have been better for the entire universe if I just shed some tears because then, I would just tire myself out and fall asleep.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I can’t get my breathing right and I am fuming mad. It’s just a kiss afterall and we’ve kissed a million times, how can he not get it right? So now I’m here, ashamed of this girlish caprice and yet unable to tear myself away from the monitor. I wish I was a boy. Then I would be blogging about something that’s neither neurotic or emotionally charged.
And I don’t think hormones have anything to do with this. Why couldn’t he have just kissed me right? I could’ve been happy in la-la land by now instead of whining like a stupid chick.
I wish I didn’t want the warm goodnight kiss. It pains me to admit that I do. At the end of the day, no matter how bad an argument we had, or how big a fight, I just know I can make myself forgive him if I get a kiss, an embrace or even just have his hand in mine. Is it really so impossible?
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