What’s to fear?

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It isn’t as if it has never happened. It isn’t as if it happened only once either.

Why then this huge fear of failure now?

I can always go do it all over again. Perhaps all over again is daunting, but there’s really nothing scary about it. So why does my heart beat in tune to Flight of the Bumblebee? The closer it gets, the more it feels like a drum-roll in my chest.

So what if I don’t make it the first time? There’s always a second chance and third time’s a charm right?

It is not logical. I am just so afraid to fail because I don’t want to have to do it all over again. Not after this much. I am doubtful that I can pursue it again with this much earnestness if I fail the first time.

So help me I want to pull through the first time. Let this be the one time I do something so surprisingly good that I’d feel funny bragging about it. It would do my father proud just this one time in this one lifetime. Just this once let me do something right.

I am so afraid. But my biggest fear is being frozen in place when all I really need is to breathe.

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