Control Yourself

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A three inch cockroach crawled right next to my foot the other night. I yelped and jumped up the seat of my chair. As I did I lost sight of it and so fought my way to get as far away from it as possible. Oh Lord save me. I saw heads turn and then a sickening crunch as someone stomped on it with his shoe. I can imagine the white goo squished out of it.

I said three when in probably was only two inches - my eyes popped out, how could I have seen it accurately? I said I yelped, but I probably screamed - my ears go deaf in frozen anticipation of flight or fight response. Just now I said flight or fight but you know I always run off like a wave of locusts are coming to eat me when there’s really only one cockroach crawling away from me. Now if the cockroach starts flying around a room expect upturned furniture and a mass trail of destruction as I run around madly trying to get out.

An old man asked me to control myself in the face of a cockroach. I doubt he understands weaklings like me and the concept of fear of flying-biting bugs. Most times I wish I could be so smooth about it and pretend it didn’t matter while inside me a coward hid..I wish.

If there is one country in the world that didn’t have cockroaches I would move in a heartbeat. These bugs will be the death of me. I just know it. On my grave the stone will say - here lies Ali who died running away from a roach.

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